15th February 2024 / Written by Alex
Category: Relationship
Almost every guy will experience this feeling at least once in his life. Everything seems empty and pointless. Nothing makes sense and you don't know how to go on with your life. You think that you've lost the best woman for you, your ideal partner, someone you loved deeply. Or at least you think you did. Because here comes the f*in truth: In most cases it wasn't real love but emotional dependence. Let me explain.
Emotional dependence means that your feelings, especially your happiness, mostly depend on her being in your life. Imagine a puzzle that contains many pieces which have all about the same size. The puzzle represents happiness and each piece represents a part that contributes to this happiness. That would be someone who's happiness does not mostly depend on one thing alone but on many things in his life. If I was to take away a piece of his puzzle his happiness wouldn't suffer much. But if you're emotionally dependent then your puzzle contains one giant piece, your girlfriend, and some very small pieces. And now imagine I'd take away your girlfriend piece. Your puzzle would instantly become unrecognizable and you feel like your world broke apart. Maybe you became super clingy and wanted to keep her in your life at all costs. Maybe you texted her hundred times a day telling her how much you love her. Again, that's not love. That's emotional dependence and also fear. But how do you become emotionally independent?
I don't remember where this is from but it's a quote that stuck with me: "Only when you love yourself you can truly love someone else." Think about that for a second. And now answer me this: How much do you love yourself? Are you happy with the way you look, talk, work, your body or how you're around others? Are you happy with yourself so that you can love yourself? The point here is, someone who loves himself does not need the approval, the affection, the attention nor the validation of others. That guy’s emotions do not depend on others. If he was to get a girlfriend, he could truly love her for what and how she is and not for what she gives him. And when she breaks up with him one day, he will be sad as well, yes. And he will also need time to process everything. But he also knows that it's not the end. The world doesn't suddenly stop just because his girlfriend is gone. Such a person will deal with a breakup differently than someone who is emotionally dependent. There is no sudden emptiness because that guy’s happiness is independent from other people. There is only a small part missing in his puzzle. Does this help you now? No, I don't think so. But maybe the following things will.
Right now, when you are still crying about the breakup there isn't much than can truly help you. You just need to be sad to heal. And that takes time. But you know what? Breakups are also an opportunity for something new. It could be a new hobby, new cloths, new furniture, a new gadget. Whatever it is you have the opportunity to change some things in your life and that will make you feel better. And if you're not already the sporty type then go buy yourself some running shoes or some weights. Be active and do sports as often as you can. It will help to clear your head and it will also get your testosterone levels up! You need to feel your balls again. You will need them for what comes next because after a couple of weeks or maybe months you will finally realize that your ex was no unicorn. You didn't fit together and now you know all the reasons why. But most importantly, you finally start to get attracted to other women. That's when you need all the testosterone you can get because approaching other women will take some balls.
Think about the puzzle analogy. Try to fill your life with many little pieces that make you happy, your hobbies, your friends, your family etc. If you don't have many hobbies then try out new things. Develop new skills, find new passions. And if you lack friends then work on your social skills (there will be courses available on these topics soon). Just try to fill your life with many wonderful things and many women will love to just be a part of it.
Stay Awesome
Alex