14th November 2023 / Written by Alex
Category: Dating
I just can't tell how much gravity this question has. It comes up all the time over and over again. And most people just expect a simple answer to this question but there are different scenarios to consider when you want to know how to ask out a girl or a woman. Let's walk through the different setups and talk about the best ways to ask her out.
Do you have an Instagram crush that you follow? Bad news, so do hundreds or thousands of other guys. You may now think "Who expects to date a random girl from Instagram?" Valid question but there really are guys who fantasize heavily on dating their Instagram crush. If you're one of them, I'm sorry to break this to you but that's very unlikely. As I said, there are hundreds or thousands of other guys following her and she is just there for the attention. She is not looking to date any of her followers. She just keeps them around as beta orbiters, men who orbit women like satellites giving them all the attention they want. These men are obsessed about the woman they orbit and, in their mind, they fantasize about her constantly. You may have heard a one in a million story in which one of these women "truly" found their love on Instagram. But who knows if that's really true or just a fake story to keep their orbiters' hopes up? After all, these women may make some money off of their orbiters. They need them. If you're one of these hopeless guys, wake up!
You matched with a girl on a dating app and now what? So many guys think you need to build lots of rapport or a connection first before asking her out on an app. Partially true. Attractive women on dating apps are like children in a candy shop. They have all the options and attention they want. And yes, some of them are there only to get attention. But let's assume you matched with someone who is really looking for someone else to date. As I mentioned above, she has many, many options. If she is supposed to invest time into you, you need to convince her that you're worth at least one hour of her precious time. Your competition are all the other guys who want to date her as well. Yep, competition! Dating apps mean lots and lots of competition for you. If you haven't thought about that yet and it makes you feel uncomfortable, then you can always get help with your online dating game. If it doesn't, good! Just be aware of it that she is always talking to other guys as well, comparing each one of them to all the others.
As an AlphaMale student you know that women's sexual strategy is hypergamy. They try to get the best they can. Online it's super easy for them to compare guys and they can follow their strategy way better than offline. Now comes the interesting part. To convince her to date you it's enough to be a "normal", funny and talkative guy. Don't be childish. Be mature. Be grown up. Did you notice that I wrote "normal"? Most guys online try really, really hard. They write lots and lots of texts or try to be super funny which mostly ends up in being clownish. All these guys get repelled! Recognize yourself? This means: Don't try to impress her with something. Talk about the basics and have a little small talk. She needs to know where you live, your occupation, a couple of hobbies and maybe tell her about your siblings if that comes up. Keep the conversation non-emotional but fluent. Then ask her out. If she knows some basics about you it's enough for her to decide whether she'll go out with you or not. Also try to see it this way: She also has to make you wanting to go out with her! Think about red flags or baggage she may carry. You don't want that! So, ask her questions about her personal life as well. Try to make her to convince YOU to go out with her as well. Not just the other way around. This means you should ask her out within two to three days after having matched and depending on the amount you've talked. If you've already exchanged all the basics on the first day then ask her out on the first day.
Typical case at school or college when you share a class with her but you've never talked or interacted otherwise. This means you need to get on her radar first. Try to make eye contact and greet her when you walk by. Do this for a couple of days. This will signal her first interest from your side. Pay careful attention to her reactions. If she gives you signals back, good! If she ignores you, ok. If she gives you negative signals like looking back at you with a disgusted look then I'd say you're probably not her type. This can happen when you're the nerd with pimples and you go for the prom queen. Don't worry, you're just not there yet. Give it a couple of years and learn the Way of the Alpha. Good signals or no signals, you should try to engage in a short conversation next. Just ask her anything class related. It just needs to be something that gives you a reason to ask her a question. She may also wonder why you've asked her instead of anybody else. And she may interpret this as another signal of interest from your side. After your conversation and before you say "goodbye" you introduce yourself, somewhat like this: "Thanks, for helping me out. I'm <your name> by the way! See you around!", and then you leave. Now you're on her radar! Next time you see her (not on the same day) you try to engage her into another conversation. You can also use a callback to the last conversation you had. But this time you ask her out! In the middle of the conversation, you just say something like "When are you free this week? Let's go for drinks/coffee/ice cream/etc.", and then you wait and keep eye contact. Two things to notice. First, you didn't ask for anything you made a suggestion. Alphas don't ask for something, they make offers which can be accepted or declined. Second, keeping eye contact after having stated your proposal will signal confidence. Don't break the eye contact before she does. This is super important!
The typical setup in this case is being colleagues or she works at a restaurant or in a shop and you have occasional conversations. The most important thing to consider in this setup is time. Is this going on for weeks/months or just days? Let's assume you meet her the first time and you had a short, somewhat flirty conversation and you feel attracted to her and she feels attracted to you. If you wait too long this may die down on her side. You know, when she is actually waiting for you to ask her out and you don't then she will conclude that you're not sexually interested in her and that you're just being nice. As soon as you carry this label it will be tough to become more than "friends". If you ask her out after weeks or months of occasional conversations she might wonder: "Why now? He had so many chances? Maybe something didn't work out with someone else? Am I his backup now?". Things like these may be in your way now. They don't have to but they can be. Don't risk that. Don't wait too long to ask her out.
Let me be clear from the beginning. This setup has lots of obstacles. One of them is similar to the setup above. If you've known her for a while she might wonder: "Why now? What has changed in the x number of years since we're friends?". And this is a valid question. Why now? Can you answer that yourself? When you've known her for a long time you were either in love with her the whole time and just afraid to make a move or you have no other options and you put your focus onto her. Seriously, don't lie to yourself. Yes, I know it's possible to fall for someone after having known that person for a very long time but what's going on? Usually this happens out of scarcity or plain comfort. And it's absolutely no guarantee that it will work out fine just because you've known each other for so long either. Another obstacle are the dynamics of your friendship and your circle of friends. She may think that dating you might mess up your friendship or the relationship to your other friends when it won't work out. It can get pretty weird or either destroy friendships altogether. All these things can keep her from dating a long-known friend. Plus, if you're already in her friendzone it will be hard to get out as you know by now.
You see, whether asking a girl out will work or not depends on many factors and the dynamics between you two.
Stay Awesome
Alex