13th September 2023 / Written by Alex
Category: Dating
Who hasn't experienced it at least once in his life? The mysterious friendzone. Some guys don't even notice they are in it and some guys feel like they're in a void, hopeless, alone and never able to get back out. It rips your heart apart when you see the girl you fell for making out with another guy while you cry into your pillow slowly falling asleep.
The friendzone is a place where no one should end up in. Unfortunately, most of us men grow up without anybody telling us how to avoid this depressive, sad and dark place. But that's why you're here, right? You're eager to learn and that's good! So, let's get straight to the three major pitfalls that are the cause for most friendzone occurrences.
Remember your teen years? There are these guys who somehow are naturals. Girls like them and the other guys admire them. They radiate confidence and they just interact with people a lot. I get it, this point is pretty obvious, right? But have you ever thought about it in detail? Maybe you've read about Alphas and betas at this point. Alphas are not shy and talk to people. This means they have influence. Alphas had political influence in their groups and they attended to people in need. And yeah, confidence is key here, as well. People follow confident leaders. Confidence tells others that you know what you're doing, another Alpha trait. If you're shy and insecure you need to work on your social skills. Go out and try talking to people. Try to talk to strangers, ask for directions or even start a simple conversation. Start small and build up your skills. And confidence? Confidence comes from competence and experiences of success. This means you need to gain skills that define you. Become an expert in areas that fascinate you. This way you will gain competence and you can be proud of yourself. Also try new things. Experience new things that you've never done. Leave your comfort zone regularly and your confidence will rise.
Yep, in the movies the nice guy gets the girl. Have you grown up with that? The authors are probably nice guys themselves and that's what they dream about. But reality is far from it. Let me ask you a question. What are some traits that define a really good friend? He is always nice and friendly to us and he is always available if we need him. Why would someone risk to lose such a person? Exactly! That's why most women tend to push these guys straight into the friendzone because they are available 24/7 and they are always super nice to them. Now, don't get me wrong here and I need to emphasize this: This does not mean you should be rude to a woman or you should play games being unavailable for days not replying to her texts. You should always be nice, friendly and available for her if she really needs your help. Let me explain what I mean by "too nice". A guy who is too nice would do anything for his crush. Carry her groceries, walk her dog and clean her home without her even asking for it. He behaves almost like a slave hoping that this will make her like him. He has no self-respect for himself. And what woman would respect such a guy if he even doesn't respect himself?
So, don't act like her slave thinking you're just nice to her. This will lead to her asking you to take care of her dog while she is going out on a date. Same goes for availability. If you're always available and there when she calls you, you're just showing her that you have no life of your own and you probably don't if you are acting like that. If you're never busy having your own life and you always do anything for her then believe me, there are women out there who will take advantage of you and push you so deep into the friendzone that there will be no getting out of it. So, get a life, have your own hobbies and friends and be happy on your own. And most importantly don't do things you don't really want to do just so she likes you. If you walk her dog because she has an important appointment, fine. If you walk her dog while she sits at home texting her crush, you're being exploited.
Some guys think that they need a lot of time to build a connection first before asking a woman out. They tell me things like: "I met a woman at a bar, got her number, started texting and after a couple of days she ghosted me." Have you experienced something similar? If you get her number, generally she is attracted to your looks. Then you start texting a lot trying to build rapport, maybe for days, sometimes for weeks. And suddenly she loses interest while you thought it was going ok. But what really happened is that she has probably been waiting for you to ask her out already. And you didn't. Connections are not built via texting. You need to meet face to face. What we say is only a small percentage of all the information we actually communicate when we talk face to face. Tonality, pitch, facial expressions, body language, eye contact and especially touch is missing. Everything that creates emotions in us humans is missing when you're only texting. And now you tell me you expect to build a connection and rapport while texting her? You need to ask her out as quickly as possible. Especially if you got her number in real life.
If you met online on a dating app, you do some small talk and you talk about some personal basics like hobbies, work, family etc. but nothing emotional. If you feel like you want to meet her and that she knows enough about you to meet you then ask her out! Don't risk her losing interest. If she says she wants to text more first, then you say that you'd rather get to know her in person and not via texting. Real dates are way more fun than texting, right? After all, she just needs to know enough about you to be ready to invest at least 30 minutes of her time. She does not need to know your entire life story.
Same goes for women you know in real life and that you meet regularly in your social circle or at work. Don't waste weeks or months figuring out if she likes you or not. Ask her out! If you don't, you behave like a friend and that's where she will put you. Into the friendzone.
Stay Awesome
Alex