21st July 2023 / Written by Alex
Category: Dating
The greatest worry is that you start dating or you just ask her out and it ends up bad, right? Before you ask her out or start dating you need to consider these questions: Let's start with the most obvious question you should ask yourself? Is she actually single? Maybe you know, maybe you don't. Indicators could be things like rings on her ring finger or the way she dresses. Rings don't necessarily mean that she is married though. Some women wear rings just because they like it. The way she dresses is a more interesting indicator. Especially when you notice changes. Do her cloths change from business or casual to more feminine? Of course, it's no guarantee but it could indicate that she wants to grab the attention of men. Studies have shown that the amount of skin single women show correlates with their menstrual cycle. Again, this is no guarantee that she is single, just because she is dressing up more feminine. There are other factors to consider anyway.
Do you work very closely together? This is important because it may drastically affect your everyday work life if you were to date and it ends badly. So, the closer you work together the more there is at stake. Keep that in mind. Assuming you're not working together that closely then what is your interaction history like? Do you just see her randomly at work without ever exchanging a word or do you attend meetings together? Or even lunch? Have you been alone with her at lunch or were there always other coworkers around? Let break up the different scenarios. If you just randomly see her at work then just ask her out! There is not much more to discuss in this scenario.
If you two are in a team and see each other often in meetings or you share an office together things could get ugly if it ends badly. Maybe this is the riskiest scenario to date a coworker. And what if you see each other at lunch? If you have lunch with her and others, I'd ask you: Does she notice you? Or are you like air to her? Does she talk to you? Do you get actively involved in the conversations or are you mostly just listening? If you're barely noticeable then chances are you're neutral to her. And if she's known you for a long time but there are no talks or interactions and no signals from her whatsoever you might even be in the void-zone. You're invisible. If you ask her out from the void-zone then I'm afraid that your chances might be very slim. If you have known each other for quite some time now and you also have had great talks and interactions at lunch even just the two of you then she may have already put you in the friendzone. You may hate that word but if you wait too long to ask her out and you're just nice to her then she will put you into the friendzone. There is one exception though. She is totally into you! If that is the case then she may grant you way longer time until you end up in the friendzone. If she is really into you then she may give you signals that you didn't notice or she is just shy and didn't signal you anything. Point is since you never know you should act quickly and not wait for any signals or for you ending up in the friendzone.
Next thing to consider is job hierarchy. Is she above you then it could end your career if you are dating and it ends badly. She could have you fired at worst just because you did something to make her hate you. If you have an equal status then you're safe. The worst thing that can happen in this case is that she talks badly about you at work telling everybody that you have a small dick. If you have a higher status than she has then keep in mind that she might just agree to date you because she's interested in a better job position and not because she likes you or thinks you're attractive. Let's assume you start dating anyway in this case and she really was looking forward to gain some benefits at work from this. If it ends badly then she might think that it was all for nothing and that you were just using her. This could also end up bad for you. And some women can get very creative. So, I'd say maybe think twice about dating someone who has a higher or lower status at work than you.
The best-case scenario with the highest chances I'd say is when you two already know each other but not for more than two to three weeks tops. Then is already familiar with you and you had the chance to show some charisma when talking to her at work or at lunch. In this case don't wait any longer. Ask her out directly and address the work situation. Tell her that you're aware of being coworkers and everything involved and that you think that if you both stick to some ground rules it won't get awkward. This eases up the situation and makes it way more relaxed for her and you increase your chances of getting a yes. From there you both need to establish some ground rules like keeping it secret or telling everybody about it. Also consider that some companies have guidelines for dating coworkers. You may have to talk to HR about your situation as well. The last thing I'd tell you is that you should also think about what you want from this exactly. Do you want to be friends with benefits or a full-on relationship? Former is easier to dissolve and involves less risk at work. If you want to go for fwb make your intentions clear and behave accordingly. You see, there a lot of pros and cons to consider before dating a coworker.
Stay Awesome
Alex