28th March 2024 / Written by Alex
Category: Dating
It's been over 20 years now but I can still remember it quite vividly. There was this girl back in school that I had a major crush on but there were some obstacles. Nobody told me about men and women and their dynamics. I was a quiet beta nerd who put girls on pedestals. If you're reading this, you've probably been there, haven't you? Anyway, there was this guy she was with. He was like the coolest dude. Everybody liked him, me too. So, it didn't bother me that much seeing them together. After all, I didn't think I was nearly as cool as him. Fulfilling some cliche he wasn't the brightest though. My point is, I thought he was better for her than me which stopped me from making any moves. Plus, I was programmed by society to stay away from girls who have a boyfriend. It's morally wrong, isn't it? But what if he's a dick? I mean like a really dumb asshole? Would that make it morally right? What do you do when she has such a boyfriend?
After breaking up with the cool dude she got together with a real asshole. I hated that guy. He constantly made fun of others and picked on younger students. Today I'd say he probably had many insecurities and low self-esteem. Using my categories for males (see my phase I courses) I'd put him into the pseudo-alpha category. A loud, violent, yelling ape who constantly needs to mess with others in order to strengthen his position as a leader. He thinks he is an alpha but he is not. The problem with this is that women often confuse this pseudo-alpha behavior with a true Alpha. Back to my crush. They got together and I just didn't understand why. I had absolutely no idea what made her feel attracted to that guy at that time. Somehow her and I became friends and we texted a lot and that was when I told her what I thought about that guy. But what did she do?
To my surprise back then she defended that guy. Today I know that pseudo-alphas make women believe they are good protectors. This is not the case obviously. But women with a strong need for safety and security fall for that behavior. Insecure women stick with these guys for a long time. But not her. She was smart and it took a while but, in the end, she recognized what a loser he truly was. She was single again and it somehow that got my hopes up one more time. But the Hollywood-primed nice-guy beta that I was I had to tell her about my feelings for her. I confessed that I've had had a crush on her for a long time believing it would work out like it does in the rom-com movies. Well, it doesn't.
Unless she is been madly in love with you confessing your feelings to her will result in nothing good. It just puts pressure on her and it also puts her into an uncomfortable position. Imagine you've just been friends with a girl (which means you don't really find her attractive) and she confesses that she has always been in love with you. What do you do now? You're not attracted to her. Now things become awkward between you. And that's what happened to me with my high school crush. That's something that probably most guys experience in their life. She says she doesn't feel the same way and that you can stay friends. But you won't because it gets awkward and your connection slowly dies the death of the friendzone.
What are the learnings from all of this now? Alright, pay attention. You can take away two important things here. Number one: When you have a crush and she has a boyfriend you absolutely need to alpha out the other guy or you have no chance at all. Why would she choose the less valuable male, right? This means, spend your 20s making yourself as valuable as possible to be the superior Alpha compared to all the other guys. Ok, I know, realistically that's impossible but try to see it like this. If you move up the male value ladder to the top 10 or 5 percent of men your chances of being a better choice than anybody else will be 90 or 95 percent. Number two: If you think that her boyfriend is a total dick, don't tell her. It will make you seem insecure and jealous. As I always say, show, don't tell. You need to show her how great YOU are compared to him. Let her make the comparison on her own. Let's say she tells you about something he did that she wasn't really fond of. Next time you have the chance to show her that you're different do it! Her subconscious will make the comparison between you and her boyfriend on its own. But there is one question left.
You may still think that it's morally wrong to make a move when she has a boyfriend. Then let me tell you this. Ask yourself this question: Do you think you would be a better choice for her than him? If you're not then leave her alone and forget about her. You're not there yet and you still need to work on yourself. But when you truthfully think that you're the better choice then you're denying her the chance for a better relationship and a better life with you! Why would you do that? Another point: You know, in the end the choice is always her's anyway. Let's say she is totally in love with her boyfriend or she has a history with him. Then she'll choose him regardless of you making a move. The question here though is: Do you know whether she is madly in love with him or whether they have a history? If you don't, then always make a move. When in doubt, make a move. Simple. After all, it could be that they've been fighting multiple times for the last weeks or months and that the idea of a breakup has been in her head for a long time. You asking her out could give her the last push she needs to leave that relationship. You never know.
What exceptions are there? When she has kids with her boyfriend or when she is married or both. Never ever break up a family or a marriage. This is where you should draw the line. Anything else, go for it. But one more thing at the end. If you decide to make a move on a woman who has a boyfriend: Do it only ONCE! Don't chase her, don't put pressure on her, don't try to force a breakup or manipulate her into thinking her boyfriend is a dick when he is not. Those are desperate and manipulative beta male strategies. Alphas don't behave that way. Be honest, sincere and accept a "No" when you ask her out. After all, Alphas have an abundance mindset. They don't chase unicorns because they know they're not real. And neither should you no matter whether you're still young or already on your transformational path into being the Alpha that resides in you.
Stay Awesome
Alex