19th January 2024 / Written by Alex
Category: Dating
When I was young a lot of dates ended up nowhere. I just couldn't figure out why until it hit me hard. Her name was Sindy. Yes, with an 'S' and she always had to tell people how her name was spelled which annoyed her a lot. A friend of hers told me about her and she gave me her ICQ number. It was the mid-2000s and there were no smartphones and messenger apps. If you wanted to chat with people you had to physically sit at your computer, boot it, start your chatting programs (like ICQ) and hope that some of your friends are online as well. Anyway, that's where my first conversation with Sindy happened.
It went really well and I had the feeling that we were clicking on some level. It was just before the Christmas holidays and we both didn't have much time for a date. That's why we decided to meet after the holidays and go on a date. But I wanted to give her a Christmas present and her friend gave me her address. I made her a Christmas card and bought some chocolates, wrapped everything nicely and drover to her house. Then I rang the bell. My heart was beating like a drum. Her dad opened the door which made me feeling some sort of relief and but it also made me feel even more nervous. I just said that I had a present for Sindy, he took it, thanked me and then I left. I had known her from pictures but I kind of had hoped to see her for real. After that her friend told me about how excited and happy, she was about the card I made for her and that she was really looking forward to our date. I was super excited as well but our date never happened.
There were still a couple of days until our date and we kept talking a lot on ICQ. The news I heard made me too excited and I also felt sure about what would happen. I can't quite remember but I think I started to talk about things like how our relationship could be like and lots of stuff in the future. I was like already in top gear while she wasn't even getting started. And after a couple of days, she said she thought this won't work out. After that she stopped replying. I was devastated and confused. Again, it led to nothing. And we haven't even had a date.
At this point you probably know what went wrong. That's what I wanted to tell you about with this blog. It's one of the most common beta male mistakes there is. Rushing things! Young men quickly know when they like a girl and it doesn't take much. And most of them also think that women act the same. But they don't. They need time to assess a guy to decide if they'd have a relationship with him or not. And what happens? Betas try to get a woman into a relationship as fast as they can. And that behavior puts a lot of pressure on women and makes them end things. That's what I did and what other young men do. But why do these men act like that? Do you recognize yourself? Some may just be super sure about things like I was in the story above. Others may want to rush things because they are afraid the women may leave or may lose interest. There are many reasons and they all lead to the same thing. She cuts you off because you put pressure on her or you feel like a burden.
But how do you transform dates into a relationship then? Easier said than done but just don't rush things. Try to go her pace but also try to lead. You're the man, you also need to make progress. Do this one step at a time. Don't talk about a relationship before you two behave like a couple and it already feels like a relationship. Don't get me wrong, you can talk about relationships in general but not about the two of you. She may ask you what you expect from a relationship or a similar question. Answer this by referring to relationships in general and not a relationship the two of you may have. And don't say the three big words before she does. You never know how a woman truly feels and it might put her under pressure.
Basically, you need to make her feel like there is no pressure at all. She needs to know that your emotions don't depend on the result of your dating. That's an Alpha cornerstone, emotional independence of outcome. This means: If she thinks you're too excited or too sure about how everything will turn out she will also think that you will be super desperate when things won't work out. Women try to avoid this uncomfortable situation by ending things early. I'm not saying you shouldn't care about your dates or pretend not to care. Show and tell her when you liked your dates, what she was wearing, her perfume, what she talked about etc. Show her appreciation for what happened but leave out dramatic emotions. And don't talk about a common future before you're officially a couple. I guess this sums it up nicely.
So, I just had to stick to small talk with Sindy and just talk about the past or the now but not about a common future. This would at least have had led to a date. But that's primarily why the academy exists. I don't want you to make the same mistakes. I don't want you to miss out on great experiences in your life. And I especially don't want you to end up alone!
Stay Awesome
Alex