9th October 2023 / Written by Alex
Category: Mindset
Not that long ago people had to go to the library if they needed information. You had to get dressed, go outside, get into your car, take the bus or walk to the library. Then you would search for a book or an archived news article and you also had to search for the specific information you needed by hand. No full text search, my friend. How f-in time consuming is that, right? Getting educated or even self-development was a real hassle. But then came the internet! Everything was going to get easier. You at least didn't need to go outside and drive to the library anymore but you could simply user your home computer. That is if you could afford one back in the early 90s. And the internet was in its infancy. The library had more to offer still. A little over ten years later everything was going to change. Again. The smartphone was invented and they flooded the planet. The internet was mature now. Everything you wanted to know was available. Everything to get you more educated, more sophisticated, more knowledgeable. Everything you needed for self-improvement and self-development in any area imaginable. Society was about to transform into a highly educated and informed version of its former self. Yeah, right. Most people don't use their internet access to educate themselves or to self-improve. Instead, they play candy crush and scroll on Facebook for hours and hours while the mind numbing tv is running in the background. But what does that all have to do with dating?
It could be so simple. All the knowledge you need to become successful in any area is available on the internet. One might think you just read everything you need and boom! You're a rocket scientist, auto mechanic, engineer or a dating expert. But if that is true why are there still people flipping burgers and scrubbing toilets? Why is it that people still struggle that much when everything to educate yourself is available on the internet? There are two major reasons that despite all availability keep you single and constantly failing.
Number one: The internet can transfer information but it cannot transfer wisdom. What's the difference? Wisdom is knowledge plus experience. Wisdom is applied knowledge to a specific circumstance. Internet cannot teach you wisdom since you will always lack the experience. Maybe you will be able to download experience and memories in the future but for now, you can't. For the transfer of information to become a transfer of wisdom two things are required. One is feedback on your information input and output. You don't get feedback from watching videos or reading e-books alone. You need to see these things as starting points. They will only get you so far. They get you from point A to point B but they won't get you to the final step point C. To get there you need feedback and feedback comes from one-on-one coaching where you can ask questions and get asked questions in return. This is how you get direct feedback to your specific situation and what you need to learn. The second requirement is getting experience. You need to go out there and build your rocket, your car or your dating expertise. You need to gain experience in the field you want to master. This is how you create your own specific applied knowledge. But doing this alone will take you lots and lots of time and lots and lots of trials and errors combined with lots and lots of frustration. Plus, you might walk the totally wrong way. Why? Because again you need feedback on your experience! Your perspective is subjective and you might come up with excuses to rationalize things when they go wrong. This is where a coach will give you feedback on your experiences and performances. He will keep you on the right path. Besides, have you ever heard about a football team winning the super bowl without a coach? Or a soccer team winning the world cup without a coach? You need somebody on the sideline with you to be able to push you forward in the right direction. And surprisingly, this is also true for changing your life.
Number two: Improving your skills and your personality takes an incredible amount of effort. When you decide on doing it alone chances are you'll probably fail fast and miserably and you'll give up. You fall back into your comfortable, single life because who cares about you anyway. You accept that you're not going to be happy in life and that's ok. Sad, isn't it? It doesn't have to come to this. If you decide to get help you will also decide to be committed. A coach will hold you accountable and keep you committed. After all you'll get your own personal and specific game plan to work on. You will agree on specific points of progress together that you want to make and you will be held accountable if you don't deliver. Sometimes a verbal ass-kicking can help wonders so that you won't fall back into the comfort zone again! That's where things are warm and cozy but that's also where things stand still. There is no progress, no change in the comfort zone. As humans we have evolved to look for the path of least resistance, to be lazy and save energy. This program works well if you actually fight for survival and need to go hunting and collect berries. But in today’s world this program makes us fat, dumb and weak. It easier to play candy crush on the couch while destroying a bag of chips than going out and learning new things. Self-improvement and self-development mean leaving old habits behind and changing into someone else! Someone who wants more from life than a high score in an online game nobody really cares about. You really need commitment for this change because it means fighting the person you are now and leaving him behind to become someone new. How does this commitment work? It works through investment. If things are for free, we don't value them. If we pay for something we assign value to that item. That's why you need to answer this question: Would you rather follow and stick to someone’s advice if you got it for free or if you paid X amount for it? If you say "the first" you're lying to yourself. If you say "the latter" then you're honest. It the same with all things we get. A child that gets a bike for free might treat it like shit but a child who has been washing cars and mowing lawns for weeks or months to earn some money and pay for the bike will treat it like it's the most valuable thing in the world.
Make the first step. Make a decision. Make a commitment. Apply for a coaching and change your life.
Stay Awesome
Alex