5th July 2023 / Written by Alex
Category: Mindset
What you would you answer when somebody asked you if you really needed to find a girlfriend? If you say yes then I strictly advise you to think about it again. You should absolutely not need a girlfriend but you should want one. We'll get to the difference but first get the following into your head.
Your life should be set up like a puzzle. When you're young there are only a couple of pieces and the puzzle grows as you get older and grow. Each piece stands for something that is part of your life. One piece might be your family. Another piece your friends and the next piece stands for your hobbies. And then there is a piece for your work and so on. And your girlfriend should be just another piece like the others. Many guys make their girlfriends the main piece, the center piece that is way bigger than all the other pieces in their life. But what happens if this piece is missing or breaks off?
Your life would be missing its most valuable piece. And you'd feel like that. Your life might feel empty and not fulfilled. You made your happiness depend on the fact that you have a girlfriend at your side. And now you've become needy. This is when you feel like you need a girlfriend. And needy guys are very unattractive to women. Why? Because needy guys come from a point of scarcity. They have no options. And why would a woman want a guy who no one else wants? But where does this neediness come from?
Men who desperately need a girlfriend always want to fill the emotional holes that the missing big puzzle piece created. But why is it there in the first place? It could have multiple reasons. One reason could be that you may have had a very loving and warm relationship to your mother and you didn't leave the boy in you back at home when you moved out. You grew up without making the transition in your head that you're a man and now your relationship is disturbed. This means you need a girlfriend to replace your mother. And if you haven't grown up in your head yet that's what a relationship with a woman is going to be like. You will have a mother-child dynamic and you will feel like a burden to her because you may also have a lot of immature behavior patterns. You will constantly need security and validation from her like a little boy does from his mother.
Another reason could be that you have no confidence but a lot of insecurities. You think you need a girlfriend for validation so that you can feel better and finally be happy. In this case you make your happiness depend on a woman again. If any of these things match your life you absolutely need to work on your neediness.
You need to grow your other puzzle pieces so that the hole from your missing girlfriend shrinks. This means work on your social circle. Do a lot of activities with your friends and make friends if you don't have any. Focus on your job or try to find a new one if you're not happy with your current job. Invest time in your hobbies, learn new skills, read books from people you admire and grow your personality. Shape your body with sports. All these things will boost your confidence and happiness because you have to create your own happy life without a woman in it at first. This will make you way more attractive. And then you don't need a woman anymore. You'll be at a point where you can decide to want a woman at your side.
If you're at that point and you want a woman, she will not be there to validate you but you will look at her as an equal partner, a teammate to share and shape your common future and to experience moments of high quality in life together. You will both provide additional value to each other’s lives. And that's the foundation for a healthy relationship.
Stay Awesome
Alex